Here is what I found while I was tidying up my Evernote the other day:
I feel a cold darkness about to descend. It may not be long now…Actually, what it really said was:
i frrl acild daaarknss aprechign, But, touch screen issues aside, it was not a good place I was in when I tapped that out.
It was all written down at a pretty bad prospect lunch I attended a few months ago, and the cold darkness was an under-heated lava cake, which signaled the end of a dismal meal at a dismal event. Reading the rest of my notes, it seems I soon moved on from mocking to pity as their internet connection failed, they became aware that half of their invitees had been mistakenly told 1:30 instead of 11:30 and the food was turning out to be inedible.
The embarrassed sales exec, who had flown in hours earlier with her crack team was busy blaming marketing for the invitation snafu while the guests were trying to find a spot to put the enormous orange nylon bags containing one pen and one notebook so they could eat. These guys managed to violate all of the rules I subsequently made up for events like these.
Rule 1: Use an experienced event manager.
If you don’t have one, see the other rules. If you do have one, stop reading, all will be well.
Rule 2: Go look at your venue.
In person. Websites and tourist bureaus are not going to give you a remotely accurate view of the place. If it’s out of town, get a local employee to go and make them eat there. If it’s a big enough event, get your arse on a plane and go see it for yourself. Fancy restaurants, private clubs, fake castles and NBA dressing rooms were not designed for the types of business events we are talking about. They can have terrible sightlines, awful sound, dreadful lighting and yucky food. At the very least, look them up on TripAdvisor or Urban Spoon. Had my friends at this event done any of this, they would have held the lunch elsewhere.
Rule 3:Invite the right people.
This is a lead generation exercise, not a charity event, so audience matters. I was not the right person for this event. The product they were showing off was of only marginal interest to me, and of no interest to most of the other people they invited from my company. But I was dying to try this restaurant, so naturally, jumped at the chance to do it on someone else’s dime.
Rule 4: Give carefully.
Call me cheap, but if I am going to rent a ferry boat or a box at an NHL game and give you dinner, I’m not sure I owe you much else. If you simply must give out a trinket, take the time to give it a bit of thought, and try to align it with the calibre of the venue and the event. This is not a trade show, so no crappy orange bags here please. I quite liked the boxed truffles I received last fall at a prospect dinner. They were somewhat less attractive when I found them again at the bottom of my purse the next spring, but the intent was terrific.
Rule 5:The wifi will probably suck.
Restaurants exist to make food, not internet connections. Even if they manage to hook up a decent wifi, I can promise you, it is exactly nobody’s job to troubleshoot your connection speed, cycle the router or find the password. If you can’t do your event without the internet, figure out how to do the internet yourself. My poor friends at this lunch had not considered the possibility of the restaurant wifi being horrible and that their mobile internet connection would be a little flaky in the basement of a solid 19th century limestone building. Event managers know about this stuff. See Rule 1.
Rule 6: People are busy
Also, they are not very organized. I am pretty sure it is a bad idea to stand in front of a room full of marketing people and blame your marketing department over and over for a mix-up on the invitation (turns out not all calendars remember to correct the time zone). Had these folks sent a few reminder emails (not just calendar invites), the people who got the wrong invite would have been set straight, and the people who didn’t show up would have had to work at it to not show up. If you’re going to drop five figures on a meal, doesn’t it just make sense to invite the right people and confirm their attendance?
Rule 7: Nobody will give you money while they eat
Just as nobody signs contracts on trade show floors, nobody is going to buy anything at your lunch event. You need to follow up, preferably while they are still picking the artisanal greens out of their teeth. By shoving nice food in their mouths, you’ve lobbed the Obligation Ball into your prospects’ side of the court. The polite ones will at least hear you out and tell you they liked the salad.That’s a great lead, people, go close it.
Rule 8: Make it a lead source.
I’m just amazed that we set up useless trade shows and banner campaigns as lead sources in our automation systems, but things involving food don’t count. If you’re going to drop five figures on a meal, it should be measured like any other five-figure tactic.
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BizMarketer is Elizabeth Williams
You can reach me at escwilliams@gmail.com
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